PSHHHHhhhhhhh......!!!!

last night i was all alone at home, while my parents visited my grandpa in hospital. as usual, my laptop was on the coffee table in the living room, and i was playing Sims 2. at the same time, i was watching the awful Shen Congye abuse poor Cen Fei, who just had a miscarriage.

*BZZZ..PRAP..PRAP...BZZZ*

damn. that sounds ominous. A big beetle.
A REALLY big beetle.

Or a cockroach. (wail...why are my parents not around? =\ )

i stood up and surveyed my surroundings. nothing suspicious in sight (otherwise have to call 999). no more sound.
i was quite sure there was some insect somewhere, and i got into battle ready mode.
With my eyes constantly on the look-out,
1. I re-checked my immediate space, to ensure the enemy was not within striking distance.
2. I reduced the tv and laptop volume, so i could hear any rustling sounds better.
3. I paused my game coz i dunno how long this thing would take.
4. I re-positioned my laptop so that i wouldn't trip over the power cord.
5. I picked up a section of the newspaper and folded it into a baton with a flat striking surface, not just rolled up.

baton in hand, i was ready.

suddenly i saw IT. IT was a 生龙活虎 (live dragon live tiger...meaning very lively!) COCKROACH!!!! instantly i could feel the changes in my body. I felt warm and my nose was starting to get moist with perspiration. my heartbeat quickened as i contemplated my next move. Fight or Flight?

A quick scan of the living room revealed that a can of insectide, my weapon of choice, was not available. I'd have to get it from the bedroom. that meant movement which could attract the damn cockroack to me, or reduced vigilance on IT which would allow IT to scuttle to some dark unseen corner and ambush me unsuspectingly.
No, I'd never be able to kill IT with my miserable baton. (i had taken the classifieds, which are really pathetic on mondays). i moved quietly and slowly, hoping IT would not detect anything.

*heart thumping* (what if IT flies towards me? don't forget, it is very lively and its feelers are always moving!)

I eventually grabbed the insecticide and moved towards my target, silently and slowly. I tried to approach IT from behind, thinking that the element of surprise could help me overpower this hideous creature from prehistoric times.

before i made my last move, i made sure that my stride was wide, and my stronger right leg was my back leg; so that at the crucial moment, i could lunge forward a longer distance and hence give IT a more intense spray. (think of playing pepsi-cola-123). IT scuttled a bit. That's my cue.

I lunged forward with all the speed i could muster and sprayed at the target. It ran around, and with newfound confidence, i kept my finger pressed down and aimed at IT all the time. After about 15 seconds of nonstop spraying (PSHHHHhhhhhhh......!!!!), IT flipped on ITS back and kicked ITS legs in the air.

Triumph!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

I stood still, chest heaving slightly, hand trembling slightly and nose pretty wet with sweat. I did it!

I placed the insecticide in a prominent place so my parents would know to collect the spoils of war. I then went back to my game.