i have a few regrets
when i have too much free time, i tend to think about a lot of stuff. one "topic" that is stuck in my mind now is how i missed some chances in life, especially wrt sports.
the first incident that i can remember occurred in primary sch. I was in pr 3, and we were having trials for running events like 100m and other track and field events. it was for the interhouse sports day. in my group of about 7 runners, i finished first. wow! hehe..so happy! after all the trials, the teacher announced the list of selected students. for the 100m, another student in my group was named, instead of me! i remembered looking at one of my frens, puzzled. she looked puzzled too, but neither of us said anything.
u know what? it could be because the teacher got the names mixed up, or she simply favoured the other student. whatever it was, i DID NOT DARE to make any protests or noise! it's incredible, isn't it?? and hence i was not picked for any event in pr3, meaning i had nothing to do with sports days for the next 4 yrs except in inter-class dumbo novelty events like running with an egg in ur spoon.
this was just the beginning....
in rgs, i wanted to join the bball and netball teams. i think i didn't even dare to turn up for the trials, because everyone seems to have some prior team experience and i was sure i would make a fool of myself. sigh. hence i joined table tennis club, which was also my pr. sch eca. it was "safe" and "stressless". i do enjoy table tennis a lot, anyway, so it wasnt a bad choice.
then trials for table tennis team came around, and i went for it. i didnt make it, but i tried again the next yr. still didn't make it. then i stopped trying.
so my only competition experience in table tennis was in interhouse games, and i was fielded when they needed non-team members to play. (there was a quota on the no. of team members fielded)
so i went onto vj. At age 16, i decided to try the netball and table tennis teams AGAIN. netball trials happened to be on the same day as table tennis. I went for the netball one first. they started by doing drills in a sq. u have 4 lines of people at 4 corners of a sq, and they run along the diagonals, catching and passing the balls. it was really complex to me and i was totally lost. i thought they would be playing a game, which i'm comfortable with. i was slow and confused. out of the 5 times i received the ball, twice i didn't catch the ball well and it crashed into my face. the stinging pain was not my concern; my specs were bent out of shape and i couldnt fix it. after a while, feeling incredibly demoralised, i told the student in charge i had to go for another sports trial and said my final goodbye to netball in vj.
there were a few first-yrs trying out for the table tennis team. only one other student (she's called Ri Xin) had no team experience, like me. because of the small number of students, everyone was informally accepted into the team. (not bad huh, no problems!) so we started some paddling and the coach practised with everyone. when it was my turn, i was freaking nervous, coz he was not very friendly. when i started missing a few balls, i was shaking already, and could hardly concentrate. the worst part was that my specs were bent from the netball trial, and i couldn't aim my shots properly. this is really crucial in table tennis, coz u have to predict the location and ball spin, and respond with an exact movement. the coach made a lot of comments, like "why can't u even receive the ball properly?" and other such things. i felt that he was (very) impatient. i'm not a confident person to start with, and hearing such things only made me feel worse. i remember crying when i got home.
i attended training for about 3 wks, twice weekly. i really wanted to stay on and accomplish something, coz i havent EVER been in a sch team b4. but each training was so stressful and i was really shaken.
looking back, i think that if i really had the determination and guts to continue, i could have competed in some competition. i didn't know how to deal with the stress, and i didn't bond well with my teammates. (they mostly knew each other and the seniors before joining) sigh... but i also remember i was a total wreck and i lost a lot of weight during those 3 wks! well....maybe i wasnt meant to be...
IF i had the guts to speak up to my pr sch teacher, I might have got a shot at track and field.
IF i had the determination to pester the rgs table tennis teacher, i could have gotten in.
IF i had the courage to go back to vj netball and convince them i can play the game, things might be different.
IF i had the determination to stay on the vj tt team, i might have gotten a team medal or two.
there were plenty of missed chances in nus too. (varsity) soccer, handball, netball, tkd, tt....
because i'm so timid, i have kissed many chances goodbye. sometimes i feel that because of my mental weakness, i have "wasted" my body. i really shouldnt let such things occur anymore. hence i have to pick up my phone now and call my ex-colleagues at SIA and build up some contacts - something which i really dread doing.
the first incident that i can remember occurred in primary sch. I was in pr 3, and we were having trials for running events like 100m and other track and field events. it was for the interhouse sports day. in my group of about 7 runners, i finished first. wow! hehe..so happy! after all the trials, the teacher announced the list of selected students. for the 100m, another student in my group was named, instead of me! i remembered looking at one of my frens, puzzled. she looked puzzled too, but neither of us said anything.
u know what? it could be because the teacher got the names mixed up, or she simply favoured the other student. whatever it was, i DID NOT DARE to make any protests or noise! it's incredible, isn't it?? and hence i was not picked for any event in pr3, meaning i had nothing to do with sports days for the next 4 yrs except in inter-class dumbo novelty events like running with an egg in ur spoon.
this was just the beginning....
in rgs, i wanted to join the bball and netball teams. i think i didn't even dare to turn up for the trials, because everyone seems to have some prior team experience and i was sure i would make a fool of myself. sigh. hence i joined table tennis club, which was also my pr. sch eca. it was "safe" and "stressless". i do enjoy table tennis a lot, anyway, so it wasnt a bad choice.
then trials for table tennis team came around, and i went for it. i didnt make it, but i tried again the next yr. still didn't make it. then i stopped trying.
so my only competition experience in table tennis was in interhouse games, and i was fielded when they needed non-team members to play. (there was a quota on the no. of team members fielded)
so i went onto vj. At age 16, i decided to try the netball and table tennis teams AGAIN. netball trials happened to be on the same day as table tennis. I went for the netball one first. they started by doing drills in a sq. u have 4 lines of people at 4 corners of a sq, and they run along the diagonals, catching and passing the balls. it was really complex to me and i was totally lost. i thought they would be playing a game, which i'm comfortable with. i was slow and confused. out of the 5 times i received the ball, twice i didn't catch the ball well and it crashed into my face. the stinging pain was not my concern; my specs were bent out of shape and i couldnt fix it. after a while, feeling incredibly demoralised, i told the student in charge i had to go for another sports trial and said my final goodbye to netball in vj.
there were a few first-yrs trying out for the table tennis team. only one other student (she's called Ri Xin) had no team experience, like me. because of the small number of students, everyone was informally accepted into the team. (not bad huh, no problems!) so we started some paddling and the coach practised with everyone. when it was my turn, i was freaking nervous, coz he was not very friendly. when i started missing a few balls, i was shaking already, and could hardly concentrate. the worst part was that my specs were bent from the netball trial, and i couldn't aim my shots properly. this is really crucial in table tennis, coz u have to predict the location and ball spin, and respond with an exact movement. the coach made a lot of comments, like "why can't u even receive the ball properly?" and other such things. i felt that he was (very) impatient. i'm not a confident person to start with, and hearing such things only made me feel worse. i remember crying when i got home.
i attended training for about 3 wks, twice weekly. i really wanted to stay on and accomplish something, coz i havent EVER been in a sch team b4. but each training was so stressful and i was really shaken.
looking back, i think that if i really had the determination and guts to continue, i could have competed in some competition. i didn't know how to deal with the stress, and i didn't bond well with my teammates. (they mostly knew each other and the seniors before joining) sigh... but i also remember i was a total wreck and i lost a lot of weight during those 3 wks! well....maybe i wasnt meant to be...
IF i had the guts to speak up to my pr sch teacher, I might have got a shot at track and field.
IF i had the determination to pester the rgs table tennis teacher, i could have gotten in.
IF i had the courage to go back to vj netball and convince them i can play the game, things might be different.
IF i had the determination to stay on the vj tt team, i might have gotten a team medal or two.
there were plenty of missed chances in nus too. (varsity) soccer, handball, netball, tkd, tt....
because i'm so timid, i have kissed many chances goodbye. sometimes i feel that because of my mental weakness, i have "wasted" my body. i really shouldnt let such things occur anymore. hence i have to pick up my phone now and call my ex-colleagues at SIA and build up some contacts - something which i really dread doing.
posted by who? at 9:51 AM
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