yi wen: May 2005

i have a few regrets

when i have too much free time, i tend to think about a lot of stuff. one "topic" that is stuck in my mind now is how i missed some chances in life, especially wrt sports.

the first incident that i can remember occurred in primary sch. I was in pr 3, and we were having trials for running events like 100m and other track and field events. it was for the interhouse sports day. in my group of about 7 runners, i finished first. wow! hehe..so happy! after all the trials, the teacher announced the list of selected students. for the 100m, another student in my group was named, instead of me! i remembered looking at one of my frens, puzzled. she looked puzzled too, but neither of us said anything.
u know what? it could be because the teacher got the names mixed up, or she simply favoured the other student. whatever it was, i DID NOT DARE to make any protests or noise! it's incredible, isn't it?? and hence i was not picked for any event in pr3, meaning i had nothing to do with sports days for the next 4 yrs except in inter-class dumbo novelty events like running with an egg in ur spoon.
this was just the beginning....

in rgs, i wanted to join the bball and netball teams. i think i didn't even dare to turn up for the trials, because everyone seems to have some prior team experience and i was sure i would make a fool of myself. sigh. hence i joined table tennis club, which was also my pr. sch eca. it was "safe" and "stressless". i do enjoy table tennis a lot, anyway, so it wasnt a bad choice.
then trials for table tennis team came around, and i went for it. i didnt make it, but i tried again the next yr. still didn't make it. then i stopped trying.
so my only competition experience in table tennis was in interhouse games, and i was fielded when they needed non-team members to play. (there was a quota on the no. of team members fielded)

so i went onto vj. At age 16, i decided to try the netball and table tennis teams AGAIN. netball trials happened to be on the same day as table tennis. I went for the netball one first. they started by doing drills in a sq. u have 4 lines of people at 4 corners of a sq, and they run along the diagonals, catching and passing the balls. it was really complex to me and i was totally lost. i thought they would be playing a game, which i'm comfortable with. i was slow and confused. out of the 5 times i received the ball, twice i didn't catch the ball well and it crashed into my face. the stinging pain was not my concern; my specs were bent out of shape and i couldnt fix it. after a while, feeling incredibly demoralised, i told the student in charge i had to go for another sports trial and said my final goodbye to netball in vj.

there were a few first-yrs trying out for the table tennis team. only one other student (she's called Ri Xin) had no team experience, like me. because of the small number of students, everyone was informally accepted into the team. (not bad huh, no problems!) so we started some paddling and the coach practised with everyone. when it was my turn, i was freaking nervous, coz he was not very friendly. when i started missing a few balls, i was shaking already, and could hardly concentrate. the worst part was that my specs were bent from the netball trial, and i couldn't aim my shots properly. this is really crucial in table tennis, coz u have to predict the location and ball spin, and respond with an exact movement. the coach made a lot of comments, like "why can't u even receive the ball properly?" and other such things. i felt that he was (very) impatient. i'm not a confident person to start with, and hearing such things only made me feel worse. i remember crying when i got home.
i attended training for about 3 wks, twice weekly. i really wanted to stay on and accomplish something, coz i havent EVER been in a sch team b4. but each training was so stressful and i was really shaken.
looking back, i think that if i really had the determination and guts to continue, i could have competed in some competition. i didn't know how to deal with the stress, and i didn't bond well with my teammates. (they mostly knew each other and the seniors before joining) sigh... but i also remember i was a total wreck and i lost a lot of weight during those 3 wks! well....maybe i wasnt meant to be...

IF i had the guts to speak up to my pr sch teacher, I might have got a shot at track and field.
IF i had the determination to pester the rgs table tennis teacher, i could have gotten in.
IF i had the courage to go back to vj netball and convince them i can play the game, things might be different.
IF i had the determination to stay on the vj tt team, i might have gotten a team medal or two.

there were plenty of missed chances in nus too. (varsity) soccer, handball, netball, tkd, tt....
because i'm so timid, i have kissed many chances goodbye. sometimes i feel that because of my mental weakness, i have "wasted" my body. i really shouldnt let such things occur anymore. hence i have to pick up my phone now and call my ex-colleagues at SIA and build up some contacts - something which i really dread doing.

tioman day 3

well, there's nothing much for day 3 except a nice nice breakfast and some more time at the litle rockfall.

trish the kampung girl looked a bit sad at having to leave....

here's one self-taken photo of 26 yr old Justin

well, we have to say goodbye to pulau tioman....

sob sob....

tioman day 2

0900 hrs: gather at the jetty with our snorkelling masks and life jackets. i'm going to snorkel for the first time in my life! heehee! here we are, dry.

we got onto a little boat with 7 other passengers and travelled to some little island out on the sea. the in-charge came over and said we have 1.5 hrs to snorkel around the island. that's it. hmm.... how to snorkel? =|

everyone was putting on their life jackets and masks. i did likewise. then the other passengers started jumping off the boat, into the sea. jump??? so deep! so scary!
trish jumped in too... she's done it before. Justin and I eventually found a ladder by the side of the boat, and slowly lowered ourselves into the sea. this is the first time i'm swimming in the sea, and thanks to the life jacket, i didnt really have to worry about drowning.

snorkelling breathing techniques took some time to get used to. first i have to rem to breathe thru the mouth, otherwise i'll suffocate immediately in the airtight mask. second part was easy. bite the mouthpiece and put ur face into the water. for like 5 min, i was practically inhaling water (which was so salty my lips were pickled immediately!). i realised the problem: i have a "leak". i forgot to seal my lips around the mouthpiece! hmpf! biting the rubber thing wasn't enough. it was just common sense to kind of purse ur lips and stop all the water from entering. so duh rite... but coupled with the stress of being in deep sea, i couldn't think properly.

we went round the little island, and i was finally getting the hang of snorkelling. trish actually took off her life jacket soon, and dived a little. when we were abt ready to go onto the boat, justin's snorkelling tube fell off somehow, and we could see that it was on the sea bed, abt 10m deep. oh no!
luckily trish could dive down and retrieve it! *applause* =D

we later visited some museum and had a second try at snorkelling at another place. i finally had enough courage to take off my life jacket and just keep the mask on. i tried to dive like trish, but somehow i could only go like 2m deep, before i felt myself floating up again! ugh...
when i took off the jacket, i had a panic thought. If i stop moving/treading water, i will sink and drown! it was really terrifying, especially when i know the depth of the water. i tried very hard to push the thought out of my head, and just relax and enjoy the moment.

oh, i forgot to mention that fish were EVERYWHERE! and some idiot threw some bread near me, and the fishes were fighting really hard to get the bread. i freaked out for a while, thinking i was being attacked. thank goodness i did not manage to touch any slimy fish! *shudder*

1330hrs: we went back to the resort and had a delicious lunch of plain fried rice and fried chicken drumstick. lemme repeat: m'sia food really tastes great! heheh

afternoon: we went to the rockfall again, trekking through the jungle path, and wearing our swim stuff.

on the first day, we didn't get to go into the water much, except walking on the river rocks, downstream.this time, we all went into the freezing cold rock pool! haahah.. i have a movie clip which showed us screaming when we dunked ourselves in. the water was cool because it originated from the 1032m peak, and i assume it to be in the shade all the way.

i estimate the water to be abt 18 deg, but when we stuck a digital thermometer in, we couldnt get a reading. hehe,... maybe that thermometer has a very limited range.

1700hrs: i was in the bathroom, towelling my hair after my bath. suddenly, something landed on my left foot. i looked down and saw this HUGE SPIDER! it covered half of my foot!! during normal insect/creepy crawlie encounters, i would totally freak out and just scream the house down. but this time, i simply watched as the spider moved off my foot, towards a corner of the bathroom. I felt the spider's feet on my own, the slow pitter patter. on hindsight, i think i was hypnotized by it. i felt strangely peaceful and surreal, when i shud have gone crazy. weird huh?

anyway, justin proved himself as a man (uh, very rare) and whacked the spider. phew...

different thoughts

this is a little break from the long entry i had yesterday. after writing so much, i am only at day 1 of 3 days. hehe... =P

it's getting really boring to read abt bloggers' rights in TST. they have one big article on this topic everyday, debating whether blogs are private or public. my blog is definitely not a political one, but once in a while i would write abt grouses i have with the PAP or some other organizations/pple. i guess i'll just have to invent pseudonyms...

there was one little column in the sports section about TJC winning the National inter-jc taekwondo expose. i think it's really a wonderful idea to have inter-jc competitions. when i was still in vj, there was only one national competition, and we competed agst tj, as well as all those clubs incommunity centres, etc. i found it really unfair, because most clubs field the little tots who can hardly balance themselves. u'll go "aww...so cute!!" and i'm pretty sure the judges will lean towards them.
the same situation is actually being replayed in the Econs Minimart show, Saturdays, ch8. they have some dance contest for groups. some teenage groups are really good at dancing, but they usually lose out to groups from primary schools, usually abt 30 strong. the kids just have to act cute and do repeated movements, and they win. there should be age divisions, really. i feel sad for the older contestants.

yah lah... maybe it's all sour grapes etc... but this is what I feel.

(1) when i went to the travel agency to book my tioman trip, i gave the agent a list of our names and our passport details. she keyed in all the data and printed out a copy. she had typed in all of us as "Ms" when there is a guy. I pointed it out, and was pretty amused by her expression.
"This is a guy ah?!" her eyes were round with surprise. she had expected 3 females. Hehe... is it very scandalous for 2 girls to share a rm with a guy?

(2) I was telling my grandma about my tioman trip, and she asked me who i'm going with. i replied in teochew "peng yew" (friends). then she said, "Peng yew? How come never bring back for me to see?"
i was puzzled for a while. huh? is there a need to?
then it struck me. to her, "peng yew" means "boyfriend". hahah... then i quickly said that my peng yew is female.
i think she was even more stunned after that... hehehe.. =D

tioman trip!

Hello frens! actually i got back to sg on wednesday evening, but have been too tired and lazy to load the photos and write this blog. hehe..=P

0600 hrs: meet at golden mile complex. what an unearthly hour that was! our 38-seater coach was thankfully pretty empty. there were just 16 passengers altogether, including my 2 trip mates and I. Here's the view from my coach window, as we are crossing the causeway. the sun hasn't even risen much yet!

0900 hrs: we had a stopover at this little coffeeshop called Panti. (Parn-tee)
In the shop, there was a buffet table, with large plates of mee goreng, beehoon, rice, eggs and sausages. Hmm! are these things for free? That'd be great! Heehee...
but, glancing around, i saw a lady at a counter, looking in my direction. darn. i think u are supposed to take whatever food you want, then bring it to the counter to pay. I was a little hungry, but was mindful of not eating too much. Trish and I suddenly felt that the pile of fried eggs looked incredibly delicious. We had one each. yummy! M'sia food does seem to taste better! our tripmate, Justin, just laughed at us as we blissfully ate the eggs. it was really expensive actually. rm 70 sens for one egg!

1100 hrs: our bus ride took abt 3 hrs plus, along a really special road. i call it the "distorted sine/cosine curve with yawing". hahaha! =P it was like a mini roller coaster track, going up, down, left, right. on a no-yaw portion of the rd, i could see 3 or 4 crests ahead. trish was mostly asleep for the bus trip, because otherwise she'd get car-sick.
we reached the Gemuk ferry terminal at 1100, and bought tix for the 1200 ferry. Feeling slightly hungry again (i only had a slice of bread at 530am!), we decided to walk out of the terminal to look for food in some kopitiam. wah lau..the whole place was like a dead town. most of the shutters were down, and we could only find a couple of shops open. in each shop, there was a little glass window where they displayed food, like in canteens. it was really pathetic. 2 small fried fishes and 3 eggs. the other shop was not much better. 1 portion of veg and some mashed-up meat/fish. i really couldn't tell. we decided to walk back to the terminal, where there were 2 mama-shops.
that was where i made my DISCOVERY abt snacks in m'sia. our beloved "Choc-ko-lat and store-belly" Pocky was called "Rocky"! i thought it was an imitation of Pocky, and didn't think too much of it. Also, the cream-filled wafer-roll Collon was labelled as "Loller". Weird! They looked really genuine, with glico, etc printed in the proper places. later i discovered that every shop only had Loller and Rocky. it must be the real thing then.. =|

1330 hrs: ferry docking...

finally our ferry reached our Paya Beach Resort. this is a view of the jetty from the island itself.

we walked along the beach to the main "lobby" to get our room keys. we saw 2 pple in the water, about 100m from the shore. they looked like they were standing chest-deep in the sea.
"Wah, so far out, still can stand! the water is really shallow!" Trish said. Justin and I agreed, thinking of our sg beaches where it is really easy to commit suicide. just walk 10 steps into the water.
THEN, those 2 pple stood up. they were not even knee-deep in the water! hehehehe....

this is our deluxe rm: no sea view, unfortunately. it's the "middle" category.

in case u r wondering, our room is only the bottom right one.

recruitment

in my desperate bid to find a job, i even looked in the classified jobs in the paper. i saw two ads which i couldn't make sense of.

"requirement: class 3 license. preferable have own motorcycle."
-- what do they want?

"Home-based work. Female working environment."
-- how do they know how many sisters or brothers i have at home?

here's one not related to work:
"Cotton (my rabbit) is like my naughty little brother. He likes to bite wires, which can be dangerous."
-- eh, both the rabbit and brother like to bite wires?

Be still, my heart

"Such sweeping statements are an injustice to past and present RGS girls who take pride in their identities as Rafflesians and who fervently support fellow Rafflesians, be they from RGS,RI or RJC.

Just because boys from other schools are capable of wooing RGS girls does not mean that our loyalties shift during cheering time at sporting events.

Where else did you think RGS girls first mastered the art of separating heart from mind?"

[Joanne Ong Siyun]
quoted from today's Life! pg 4.

related post: friday 13th may

dear frens

i'm ok now! =D thanks for all the encouragement.

after 9 hrs of sleep last night, i actually jumped out of bed with a little kick! hheehe...the wonders of sleep.

on my way to the interview yesterday, my SBS passed a few industrial estates. I remember seeing buildings of Boeing, Airbus and some other aircraft companies. this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that Singapore's aerospace industry may not be limited to MRO (maintenance, repair and overhaul) companies. I could try those OEM (original equipment manufacturers) as well! they are less likely to hire, but i'll still email them. =D

yay! i'm no more depressed! (prob also becuz i'm not sick anymore) hehhe

btw, i know someone who named their tiny hamster Godzilla! hhahha

interview

bad.
coz i was sick and i had to walk 1/2 hr to the place and then sat down andwaited for 1 hr, listening to piped in musici was so tired when it was my turnlast my ans were just normal feel that they don;t really seem intersted and i foudn out that my chances at my dream company are low.

was shivering and hot and aching all over for the night. and i had 2 panadols for breakfast. how much energy could i have for the interview?

sigh...
worst come to worst, i'll go for a really long trip somewhere lor.

--> my parents are laughing at me for being upset over the interview. hmpf! but i guess they are right. hehe.. i just wanna whine and enjoy being upset (??) for a while.

tioman tioman!

yeah finally i can go somewhere! no more staying in sg!

uh, well, it's just a 3d2n trip, but better than nothing! =P
hope everything goes well coz i'm gg with tricia and her fren, whom i just met two days ago. =|

OOoohh!! i just discovered a big secret but my fren says i can't tell anyone otherwise it won't work anymore. sorry, i know this is so "DUH" but u have to wait till i get over the excitement. then i will tell. hehe

after cinderella goes home

i had no inspiration to write an entry, until cinderella ran home.

weirdly enough, after midnight, many of my mech eng frens came online and started talking to me thru msn and icq. everyone's enquiring abt each other's job status.

"have u gone for interviews?"
"Found a job yet?"
"Which company?"
"How much is ur pay?"
i should do a template and just copy n paste....

blah blah. freakingly similar scenes are replayed during CNYs, just on a different topic.

today is actually a gd day

1. my mortar board size is XS, or 6 and 1/4. as witnessed by qw in the forum co-op. pretty small!

2. i got a call from EAGLES for an interview next wed. i couldn't hear the person properly and had to ask her to repeat several times....=( but yay! my first interview! (phillip capital doesn't count)

3. on my way to hand up the bounded thesis in Science park 2, i passed by a fountain. it's not like the ones outside taka; the water is sprayed up in a mist. some trees obscured my view, but there was no way i could have missed the amazing sight... ...of a brilliant rainbow created on the mist. it was the most brightly-coloured and nearest rainbow i have ever seen! i stopped in my tracks and stared at the fountain for at least 5 min, enjoying the precious view and wondering if it has any significance. (well, i was so upset abt new zealand just yesterday, and today i got a call for interview...)
too bad i don't have a camera phone, o/w can show u all how strong the colours were.

uh, do u know that u can't see rainbows from some angles? i guess it's to do with the refraction direction/thickness of mist, etc.

--> note: it's not that, but rather the sun has to be behind me while i stare ahead at the fountain.

and i also wondered why rainbows are always in an arch. going to google that now!

--> When the sunlight enters a raindrop it is refracted, or bent, by and reflected from the drop in such a way that the light appears as a spectrum of colors. The colors can be seen, however, only when the angle of reflection between the sun, the drop of water, and the observer's line of vision is between 40° and 42°.

When the sun is low in the sky the rainbow appears relatively high; as the sun rises higher, the rainbow appears lower in the sky, maintaining the critical 40°- to 42°-angle.
(from encarta)

oh cool! i found a fantastic website!
all about rainbows!

i draw your attention to

pg 7, Life!.
With regards to an article on one of my fav topics, i quote:

"actually, the rgs girls rarely cheered for the RI teams anyway, unless their boyfriends were in them. they preferred the "boys in blue", our traditional rivals from Anglo-Chinese School."

WTF?? can someone with power english like write back to Life or somewhere and slaughter this guy??!! Who ruffled his feathers in the first place??
(keeping in mind the defamatory controversies, i better not write anymore, although i think he HAS A PROBLEM)

fyi, the author of that article studied at RI and was a prefect for 2 and 1/2 yrs. How appropriate.

marvellous website!

i'm a bit disapppointed at not being able to go backpacking in new zealand, so i started surfing mindlessly. and guess what? i hit upon a website which provided a lot of amusement through its lame-ness and sense of desparation.

HERE

how on earth does learning aikido become an activity worth two "heart-rates"? (scale of 0-3)
and events with names like "hit me on the right spot"...... ugh.......

honestly, i shouldn't have posted the above becuz there's a high chance that i'll be one of THEM pretty soon. but i just couldn't resist it.. *evil grin*

the big hoo-ha

i read mrbrown regularly, and the most recent posts abt our blogger-acidstar incident are really full of sarcasm which i like! hehe... (btw, if u dunno why i write "acidstar", pls go read his blog)

sigh.... i've really got to be very very VERY careful. before i know it, i might get arrested by the Speak Good English gestapo...

burnout

i refer to the "mind your body" section of today's paper. suddenly i was reminded of my emotions and moodswings during fyp time. i quote:

"swing between working madly and not caring two hoots if the project succeeds"
"lack of motivation, new ideas"
"loss of appetite"
"becoming cynical"

one particular cause which i identified:
"unclear or changing job targets....wonder why he is putting so much effort into a job that isn't really that important after all"

hmm... i wonder if i was having a burnout that time? or maybe i was just being a slack student??

trip planning

i'm hoping to go on a trip to new zealand with 2 frens (trish and hongjin). wah...there is really too much flexibility man! hehe... i'm overwhelmed.
looks like there's plenty to do, booking, etc. hope we will have a successful trip!!

update: this is so freaky! i'm looking at my horoscope in today's Life. here's wat it says--

You've finally made the decision: You're going. You're just not sure where you're going. Give yourself plenty of options. Spend some time on the Internet checking out everywhere you've ever wanted to see.

The RGS Growl......

lower and louder...

Rafflesians unite, let's show our MIGHT! (dum dum pah dum dum pah)
we'll show 'em how Rafflesians FIGHT!

hello! if u have read pg 14 of the Sunday Life, u will know what i'm talking about. hehe.... unfortunately i must have got the 3 stanzas mixed up, coz i think the next line is something abt "walk to the fight in green, black, white" but i'm not so sure. there isn't a list of cheers lyrics on the rgs homepg either.

right after i read that article, i watched the 11am show on chU, water boys. it's a jap drama about a group of high sch boys with a passion for synchronised swimming and trying to keep their eca alive. it has been shown before, on thur nights after the news. I love that show! they are so full of drive and emotions and energy. these feelings are something which i really miss, along with crazy things like zinc-stick-ing ur whole face!

sigh....

books i just borrowed fr lib @ marine parade

The Gamble
Ignition
Black holes and time warps: Einstein's

wonder how much of each i'm gg to read...

it will never be

i've always disliked this phrase: just do your best.
is there a "best"? consider studying for a test. u can study like 24 hrs a day, but can still further improve on that by improving the quality of your study time. or if u are writing an essay, u can go over it more times, gather more data or let more pple vet thru. i say that there's no absolute limit, hence there's ALWAYS room for improvement.

The best is yet to be:
It will never be.

however, trying to push the boundaries like achieving A+ for everything does have its consequences, like a lower quality of life. it's only when i matriculated that i decided to sort of put studies at a second spot. this is cliche, but everything does boil down to a balance of priorities. and now my priority is to enjoy life. =D

(aiyah, i dunno what i'm trying to preach here man)

kids and sch

today's straits times mentioned the lack of discipline in british schools. this reminded me of the super long and torturous week i endured as a relief teacher in a primary sch 4 yrs ago.
i was in charge of a pr5 em3 class for a wk. i wanted to walk out within the first 5 minutes. i never expected that a bunch of 11yr olds can be soooo rowdy, talkative and uncontrollable. ok la, i dunno how to control kids in the first place. but they are really quite the ultimate. there was hardly a moment's peace, except for when they had a test. even then, every minute there was some kid trying to cheat. i caught a few peeking at their textbks!! there were the usual troublemakers, followers, "guai" ones and those who simply can't be bothered about everything. so much effort was spent in dealing with the deserved to be slapped in the face troublemakers that it's disgusting. the guai ones looked irritated that they can't have a proper lesson.

maybe we should stream them according to their level of guai-ness. yes this is controversial and may backfire blah blah, but can consider? =)

(anyway i'll NEVER EVER be a teacher! esp in pr sch)

ideal day

0900 wake up, wash up
0915 feed and play with hamsters
0930 eat breakfast & read newspapers
1030 play sims/surf the net
1200 lunch
1300 tv + snooze time
1900 dinner + tv
2100 snooze
2200 tv news + snooze
2300 bedtime

days are so short!!

=D

tag-board

unfortunately the tag-board site seems to be down, so to prevent any page loading problems, i have removed my tagboard for the time being. if u have anything to say, just comment to the latest blog entry. =P

Dr. Wee

i felt only slightly sad when i first heard abt his passing yesterday morning, but i actually shedded a few tears when i read today's TST (Home Section). there were a lot of little things which he did for ordinary pple, and they remembered him fondly for them. [of cuz, you are more likely to remember a President saying hello to you, than some kopitiam uncle saying hi.]
but still..... =(

i think my fav president so far is WKW. it's kind of weird to have a "fav president", but what i mean is that i don't feel very close to Ong Teng Cheong, and even less close to our current president Nathan. anyone feels the same way?
aiyah...dunno what i'm talking abt.. *ramble ramble*

a short "do you know that..."

it can be fatal to brush your teeth when u have a (100%) blocked nose. when u run out of oxygen, and try to breathe thru your mouth, chances are that the toothpaste foam will get sucked in as well...causing u to choke....

woohoo!!

ubin was really fun! i got really burnt.... and had a sore butt too. hehe =P
i can't believe i started off my holidays by waking up at 530am! must appreciate the following pics coz i went thru A LOT to get them up properly. hehe.. (ok la, i stoopid can?)